Ever wondered, who are we and why are we so? Lets try to peep in to world beyond our perview and lets know who we are?
Jus be U , Me and God and nothing else in between!!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
What is wrong with me? Why am I not able to make my family and house the best one? Why do I end up hurting you one after other. I know there is something missing in me and thus in our home. Why is air always heavy. Why are we afraid of talking?
I married to you the way you are. I value and respect your emotional power, your high IQ. I know in 99% cases you are right. I'm just impulsive and bull headed. I also know that it is only you in my life who can fix me. I don't say that I always take best decisions or make best comments in all situations.
I'm all screwed by myself. You would know by now that I do work a lot. Carry enough work related tension. At the same time, I also carry guilt of not doing enough for my kid and for you. Don't know why I always feel pressure that I'm a bad husband and worse father. Which is not so good for me. But I'm trying to have best routine for myself. Start early for office, come back early so that I can play with Naman for couple of hours before he sleeps. Also try to work from home for couple of days in a week. I'm surely not God. I'm not Amit and I'm not Prem as well. I'm what I'm and the way I'm. There is no sense in comparing me with others and also no sense in comparing you with others. You are the way you are..Just perfect and my only hope to fix me.
It may not be possible for you tell me on face.. As I'm not perfect on taking these feed backs on face. So it is good opportunity..Sit down, look back..Point out what is wrong with me..and more than everything tell me how to fix those problems in me. It is much easier to write all this than talking over to me. Because whenever we talk, I invariably digress the topic or emotionally divert you. Come out with those 10 commandments of life..My way to perfections. I promise to honestly try them. A better me would surely lead to better home and happier Naman and you.
While you put your thoughts together, Let me list down few points which I feel are hanging around and are the point of conflicts.
1. You say, I don't spend time with Naman.
My answer: I feel that I do spend time. I do love telling stories to him. I don't compare with others, but I do feel that I do play with Naman (Pillow fights, Giving him bath, cycling together, Taking him to park, riding the same scooter, playing cricket in street and other things). 2 things I lack, that I don't carry Naman on my shoulders and take rounds of CSV and haven't taught Naman so much of chess. I think I've taught him good amount of swimming, running and cycling.
I agree that I don't have patience to do long sessions of constructive things. i.e. Teaching him chess or painting or even scrabble etc. I may be little selfish here. But I do want to give some free time to my self as well. Want to have some walk, physical activity during the day. Do want to watch some TV during the day. And Do want to read paper and if possible some books. Naman is only awake for 12 hours (morning 8 to evening 8) during the day, I mostly work for 8-9 hours. Spend 1-2 hours in Potty, taking bath, getting ready for office etc. Which leaves me max 1-2 hours during week days to spend time with Naman, and I try my level best.
2. You say, I'm selfish and don't care for you.
My Answer: I do love you and care for you. I'm not smart enough to surprise you with expensive gifts every month. I've very bad choice and absolutely horrible in selecting jewelry. Though I'm good at selecting watches and mobiles but can't gift them every month. I never denied any gadget you asked for. i.e. Dish washer etc. Never stopped you from buying anything. Never questioned your spending etc. Never interfered with your friends. Happily pay your mobile, home phone and Internet bill. Never demanded any specific food. If not 100% but in 99% cases I just eat whatever you cook. At times, eat so much that I don't leave any food for you. Went against my family in marrying you. You know my family, I tried my level best to avoid any dowry hassles. My parents may not be perfect, but I tried to give best respect to your father and mother. I equally care for your parents as much I care for my parents. I appreciate and admire the way you have adopted my parents. There surely would have been some bad incidents, but trust me they were all accidental.
I proudly say that I'm honest at heart. I never schemed to humiliate you or your parents. I would better spend my time on reading, writing, working, walking or even watching porn. Don't have enough brain to cheat people.
If I may ask for few thing please.
1. Try to keep smile on your face. Whenever I look at you, I feel so guilty and ashamed. You always seem to be overworked, stressed and tired. I always blame myself for putting you thru this. Honestly speaking I like kids and given a chance, I would have 10 kids. But don't want you to sacrifice you on your health. I can feel what a mother goes thru when she delivers a kid. I don't want second kid so that you can have a career for yourself. More that Naman I care for you. Naman will go away from our life in next 12-15 years. But we have atleast 40 more years to live together. World is full of jokes, we should try more of them at home. Short people look better when they chirpy and naughty. Please be naughty..Life is too short to be dull and boring.. I believe that we have everything gifted by God. Adding smile and naughtiness in life will make our home the perfect heaven.
2. I'm as Important at home as Naman. I love the way you care for Naman. I know you want Naman to be best in everything. Fine!! I and you as individuals also exist at home. I also need some time for myself. I too work hard, get tired and need some break.
I'm all ears now. Think for a while, don't be impulsive. Think of me for a while. Go out and vent out your feelings. Happy to hear what I'm OK at and should continue to do better.. And other things which I must change now for better us and better tomorrow.
Trust me, I'll try my level best to make our home a better place to live.
luv u as always..
Posted at 05:50 pm by U Me n God
Saturday, February 11, 2012
I virtually raped my wife again to the point of annoying her, At times I feel that this is world of males. Developing countries like India just need more and more males to run factories, deliver couriers and pull rickshaws. Ratios of 771 girls to 1000 boys is really scarry. Out of 771 girls most of non-males and hardly females. Like my wife. I have nothing against my wife. She is perfect what I deserved. I coulndn't afford any more beauiful girl to draw attention of whole world and make me come home early from office. And at same time not too intellectual to invent 6th law of physics and run away from physical world. She is content running behind Naman. When I said one of us not having job (means service of serving others). I never took service jobs any better than my maid at home. She also serves us. Only difference in me and my maid that I am paid far better to listen crap from my seniors. And my wife pay only Rs 1200 to make my maid work for 7 days a week and still listen all the crap, which I will not agree for 100 times more money I get as compared to my maid. Now I see why all highest paid executives in Bay area have chinese or philippino wives. Screw you. Hail Chinese!!
We dicussed some real heavy stuff stuff today. Not sure if all of us were really drunk or were in real senses. When we die, we should ask ourselves:
1. Did we live?
2. Did we love?
3. Did we matter?
Did we leave behind a better world? My answer to all of above questions would be NO. We didn't live life of our choice. In childhood we did what our parents asked us to do. In Teens we studied harder to get those better ranks and missed all the play. After marriage, we did what our wives asked us to do.At times even kids decided our cource of life. At work, our boss drove us. Inherent love for our wives, kids and parents died deep within. We never lived. We never loved. Work and fear of loss of job never allowed us to love our family and people around us. And as we lived in fear all the time, we couldn't find time to matter to this world.
Is it too late? Can we still live, love and matter to this world? Perhaps yes, but who will pay EMI of home loan, who will pay kids education fees? Who will pay grocery? And who will ensure that we don't live under sky in our old days? So fear drives us. I wish one of husband and wife could live his/her dream. It sounds weird, when K is not sharing expenses, she is not living dreams either. Where is problem? Don't know.
Is this world a real Maya? However hard any one tries, he /she is never happy. Jenny pointed out one fact, which may be shockingly true?? She noticed, that when ever I and K talk she coudn't find it convincingly true that we are not fighting?? What the hell is that? What is going around? We have only one life and why are we wasting it like that?
Did we live, did we love and did we matter? Answer to all the questions is still NO? NO one else is to blame for that situation. This is my answer and this is my problem.
Any other day, after AOL course I would have said as..Yes I did live the best life possible. I had best wife in world. Who is made just for me. Just tall enougt to let me rest my hand on her shoulder. The best cook in world. Best enough to keep my weight in check for last 8 years. And may be rest of life.Wife who never forced me to work over time to buy her gold and expensive gifts. Best wife who lived with me in thick and thin of life...With out cribbing.. Best wife in life who never demanded any thing from me..Can you believe this but this is true..
I loved?? Of course I loved..My kid, my sweet haeart. My wife, who never expresses but loves me in return. My parents who are so proud of me. I do donate good money to my school and some other good causes. People who received money surely should love me.
Did I matter? Yes, I'll leave behind, A happy girl which happens to be my wife too. A good kid, lil spoiled but a good balanced person. Some property. And more people talking good about me than bitchihng about me...
Purpose of our life?? Don't know..Easiest answer. Eat, drink and screw..I mean screw yourself, have blood pressure and die young...
What is fun in not eating, drinking and not screwing and living on himalaya?? C'mon man..Come back..Life is fun right here...
Saturday morning...Cribbing wife...Wailing kid..Good crisp news paper..Good hot, mild sweet tea..Perfact balance of life..Not too good..Not too bad..Just the perfect..!!
Posted at 01:40 am by U Me n God
Sunday, January 29, 2012
After a good long night sleep and good relaxed day, sun shines back on life and things start looking good again.
Depression, frustration and nagging is al state of mind. All is actually well till you decide to mess with it.
Simple good way to make best of this life:
1. Do talk to you wife for atleast half an hour, Un devided attention. This time must not be compromised. She is one who controls flow of happiness / sadness in your life. Vicious circle of bad feeling can only be broken with her help. You mess with her and don't get support from her, life is bound to be hell.
2. Do sleep good hours. Take 1-2 hours of time like reading some novels / book on completely non related topic. Do go for 45 mins walk. Take refreshing bath. These all help rejuvenate you. It is not so diffucult to take 1-2 hours of yourself out of 24 hours. Do work from home atleast once a week.
3. A drink a week with your wife is not such a bad idea. It helps you offload some of heavy stuff running in your mind and as well as in your wife's mind. Don't be in rush, talk at length, cook together and try to avoid stupid company (mean stay away from TV).
4. Read books to your kid / tell him stories. This not only sparks your imagination but also kills bad threads of thoughts running in your mind. So do more often.
5. Last but not least, have a balance. Too much of your kid and wife time may make you feel guilty and make you feel heavy as while you are with your wife and kid, actually your work load is piling up. This is the most difficult balancing act. Most of the time in in order to finish your work, you keep you wife and kid on hold. And when you go back to them after finishing your work. This might have taken couple of days, your wife and kid don't receive you well and blame you for ignoring them intentionally. Good here comes balancing act. Don't know the exact tipping point. But make sure that you don't burn bridges. Stretch only to the limit. Don't overstretch your family bonds, they are more prone to get sore than your job bonds.
Posted at 09:13 am by U Me n God
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Your Hands Are Your Best Wife
Just read it somewhere. Marry your hand!!!
What an excellent idea. In this busy life and when gender ratio is getting skewed your hands are your best help.
Your hands never go for shopping. They don't have mood issue. Your hands are always in mood when you need. Hands are more productive and cost effective too. No emotional tantrums.
Posted at 07:46 am by U Me n God
Friday, October 28, 2011
This is second stroke of luck in less than 2 years. Time to change again. This comes with mixed set of feelings. While I'm excited to have brand new career ahead, same time having butterflies in stomach while leaving well established current job. Not sure, if I should attribute this new job to my worthiness or my luck or luck of K. At times, this all looks as destiny. If destined for something then you'll get it. That too only at time, when you are supposed to. People say that connections get you jobs. It hasn't been true in my case. I only connect with my God and in turn he gets me connected to others and new jobs too. Once again, I close my eyes and surrender humbly to supreme God and thank again for wonderful blessings. I was nothing and I'm nothing today. Then also he has bestowed me good luxuries of life. More luxuries you get, the more fear you get to lose it. My dear lord, keep my conscience alive. Keep me on ground, and keep me sensitive to needs of millions of those unfortunate people. Who haven't got enough returns for their hard work. Unemployment is key problem in India. It has millions of people with good qualifications but haven't got right jobs. Bless me with destiny so that I can change destiny of millions of those unfortunate people.
Posted at 12:53 pm by U Me n God
Monday, October 24, 2011
God has given everything to a man's need but not to it's greed. Struggling to find answers to below questions:
1. Why should I look forward to move to a bigger house. There are millions of people in this world who don't get to live even in house like my current house. Where would greed of my house size would stop?
2. Why should I go for bigger car when current car or even smaller car serves the purpose?
3. What is the purpose of life? I must do something for poverty. I just cannot close my eyes towards people who don't even get 2 meals a day.
Now when I've seen how developed world looks like and know what to do make India look like developed world. Why should I just sit back and watch people suffer?
Posted at 06:54 am by U Me n God
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Bloody black label and sunshine
Had hard drinks after a long time..and voila..what a ruccus I created. I was blacked out for almost 12 hours. Puked my entastines out. Very bad mistake but great lesson learnt.
While I blacked out, along with went all ego, ability to think straight and all physical power. Left out was pure soul free of all Maya wrappers. While I just lied for hong hours drained out and exhausted. Had death like experience or say felt like reborn again. Time stood still and no rush of thoughts. Don't even remember what did I say to K that night. And when dark and long night went away. When I stopped vommitng, felt dull but full at same time. Felt like coming home after a horrible roller coaster ride.
And time to thank God again. Sweet girl and wimpy kid in life. Small sweet home and regular source of income. (touch wood). Recession doesn't seem to have come in this part of world.
Thank God once again.
Posted at 07:42 am by U Me n God
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Fasting, Dharna and Lokpal Bill
India is witnessing hysteria which it hasn't seen in recent past. Everyone feels that all politicians are corrupt, Govt is not doing what it is supposed to do. Aam junta feels that it is all Govt responsibility to provide clean roads, employment to everyone, 3 meals a day, sunshine, rain topped with enough movie tickets on weekends. Let us get practical. It is in fashion to blame politicians and Govt for each and everything going wrong. You failed exam, exam system is wrong. There is too much of pressure on kids, whole education system is crap and Govt is not doing enough.
There is traffic jam because some gentleman has left his car parked in almost middle of road, leaving one and half lane road to half lane now. People leave no chance in blaming govt for not providing enough parking and roads. Govt gets it's daily dose of curses. Rarely state govt will get these blames, which they'll happily pass on to central govt without further delay.
Now suddenly Dr.Manmohan Singh, Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi have become responsible for all corruption in India. They are favorite villains in depriving India or wonderful opportunity of eradicating corruption from India for ever.
Anna Hazare who has no experience what so ever in drafting Govt Policies and parliament system of India, wants to introduce bill which will create a parallel Govt. Super-ceding Supreme Court and Govt. This will only bring confusion and highest level of anarchy. You bring PM under Lokpal bill and you'll find this poor man spending all his time defending himself in Lokpal instead of running the country.
There is nothing right or wrong. All these cases which stretch for decades in various courts are only because, courts can't decide who is right or wrong. In such democracy every one has benefit of doubt. And there is nothing really right of wrong. Person who killed other person would be right in his own ways. he would have killed other person in some very special circumstances. Which would be absolutely right at that particular moment.
There are higher priority challenges to be addressed than fighting on Lokpal. We've population of 1 billion people. Most of them are below 25. In next one decade they will all need jobs and homes. There is not enough land to provide farming opportunities to every one. Only way to provide jobs to such huge population is excel in manufacturing and services. We need to setup large factories and open large economic zones. Like China, we've to start producing goods for rest of world.
Focus on upliftment of standard of living. Corruption will automatically go away. People take / give bribes because there are so limited opportunities and every one wants to grab them. Provide good opportunities to everyone and corruption will go away.
You don't need to go to Ramlila Maidan or carry placards showing i Support Anna. Just look around and make one small contribution. Teach one kid begging on road. Remove one stone blocking every one's path. Decide to take bus instead of driving car to office and reduce traffic on road.
Anna is already 74 and won't last for long. But half of the India population is below 25, those kids should not bunk schools / colleges. People shouldn't stop work in offices. Don't shutdown factories / shops. Keep working to raise standard of living and corruption will automatically go away. Those who are well off should take along who are not so well off and corruption will go away.
Posted at 10:21 am by U Me n God
Thursday, June 30, 2011
So many whys in my life?
- Being from a core business class family, why did I go to boarding school? That too at age of 10?
- How come I scored very good marks in board exams? There were more capable people around?
- Even after getting good marks in board, why couldn't I clear IIT or any other good RECs?
- Why I had to study in only for Boys schools / colleges all thru my life? Even NITIE had 2-3 girls for batch of 100 boys?
- Why being a hard core north Indian, I landed and settled in Bangalore?
- Why would I do Engineering, specialize in ops management? And then end up in HR?
- Why would I marry a girl like K? Why do I love her? I'm fast, furious, daring, slim.. and she is opposite in many other ways. I behave so crazy with her at times. How can she tolerate this all? How come she is still around? And above all she still seems to love me?
- Why would I have a kid who is unique in so many ways? All possible allergies at age of 6 months? Glasses with such high power at age of 4? Why would I have such wimpy kid? We are hard core desi. Why would he be born in US?
- I'm fit otherwise Why would I have running nose all the time? How can I sneeze 100 times a day? How come even smallest doze of cold drink and ice creme can make my cold so crazy?
- Why would I stay so far from work? Why I have to travel 3 hours to work everyday?
- Even after best efforts, why would my brother not get job in Bangalore and I can't consolidate my whole family at one place?
At some point, questions stop and destiny starts. Which turns in to faith. Where you start believing that you can't control your life beyond a point. It like a movie, where you want hero to win all the time but villain comes. After all drama and action, hero wins at the end. You pay for such movie experience. Better sit back, relax and watch your own life movie. There is enough drama, tragedy and action around. When you also have some un-explainable questions in life, Answer is simple, close your eyes. Imagine it could be worse. In race of life, you would find there were more eligible people there. God has chosen you out of turn. It might seem rewarding to stand on victory stand. After some time, winner starts feeling lonely. He start feeling not so chosen one. He wants to go back to crowd and be with his folks, but he can't. Process of victory would have moved him long way and would have made him aloof.
We are like fly at tip of sword. Warrior is fighting well and making smooth moves. His sword motions have a pattern and direction. Warriors can see the way of winning and moving as per plan to a certain target. But fly can only witness random and crazy movement. Fly sees no direction and must be panicking by speed and sudden speedy movement of sword. What can fly do at the moment. Just trust the warrior and know that some one is controlling the situation.
It is like crazy ride at WonderLa. We enjoy being hanged upside down. We know that safety bars won't open even when swing is making craziest movements. People who don't trust safety of such swings and entertain park, keep panicking all the time and don't enjoy the moment. At the moments when you panic most and don't know what is happening, close your eyes and know that there is warrior making very skilled movement, working hard to take you out of war. Believe that you are having ride at WonderLa and there are safety bar around your seat. You'll not fall loose. When you see the safety, you enjoy the ride. When you doubt makers of ride and swing, you panic, shout and cry. And all for no use. When you are on ride, you've two choices, either trust the swing, enjoy breeze and love the movements. Or worse waste the wonderful time in shouting and panicking. choice is yours.
Choice is Yours. You are subject to physical frisking. You see this as act of rape or act of love making.
There are 2 sides of coin. They are always there together but they are always opposite too. Only person who care and dare to turn the sides can see both sides. Most others see one side and make their view. I pray to God to help me see both the sides. To keep balance in life. There is always balance in life but many fail to see it.
Posted at 07:08 am by U Me n God
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
This is second stroke of luck in less than 2 years. Time to change again. This comes with mixed set of feelings. While I'm excited to have brand new career ahead, same time having butterflies in stomach while leaving well established current job. Not sure, if I should attribute this new job to my worthiness or my luck or luck of K. At times, this all looks as destiny. If destined for something then you'll get it. That too only at time, when you are supposed to.
People say that connections get you jobs. It hasn't been true in my case. I only connect with my God and in turn he gets me connected to others and new jobs too. Once again, I close my eyes and surrender humbly to supreme God and thank again for wonderful blessings. I was nothing and I'm nothing today. Then also he has bestowed me good luxuries of life. More luxuries you get, the more fear you get to lose it.
My dear lord, keep my conscience alive. Keep me on ground, and keep me sensitive to needs of millions of those unfortunate people. Who haven't got enough returns for their hard work. Unemployment is key problem in India. It has millions of people with good qualifications but haven't got right jobs. Bless me with destiny so that I can change destiny of millions of those unfortunate people.
Posted at 06:11 pm by U Me n God